by John Galt
February 3, 2016 17:30 ET
I can prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Sarah Palin, Ben Carson, and Donald Trump have a valid point about the Iowa outcome using logic and intuitive reasoning, just like they do.
During the Iowa Caucus, Ted Cruz’s staff prepared to help alter the results you saw because the poll are never wrong of course.
The campaign manager for Team Cruz had a plan to deploy 800 high altitude foil wrapped unicorns all trained to fly over each Iowa county in continuing holding patterns for up to 4 hours. As these unicorns were wearing tinfoil, this would disrupt the cell phone signals being used to transmit the voting results back to RNC headquarters.
However, this was not standard Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil.
This was a special foil purchased by Team Cruz which was composed of a rare mineral called Magnesitwitterium and is purple colored in nature. The Magnsitwitteium is only mined in Azkaban by imprisoned muggles so it is considered a neutral metal until converted to foil and comes into the contact of unicorn fur and high frequency (UHF) radio signals.
This meant that the first radio signals it received would keep the pattern memorized and whatever signal bounced off of it, changed to what was memorized by the Magnsitwitteium.
As the signals came down, they would convert all of the votes for Trump, Carson, Rubio, and Bush over to Cruz votes thus guaranteeing him the election.
Sadly, due to 793 of the unicorns flying in too late from Texas due to the TSA holding them up at DFW airport, only seven were successfully deployed which barely deprived Donald Trump of his victory.