02.13 Republican SC Debate Drinking Game: It’s the 3 Stooges vs. Trump, Cruz, and “that guy”

by John Galt
February 13, 2016 20:25 ET

In the real world, you don’t ever want to be “that guy.”

The one man that everyone points at. The sore loser. The pouting, pathetic, perceived whiner who blames everyone else for not getting traction in the campaign or votes.

In tonight’s debate “that” guy would be:


And yes, he really did say that.

Meanwhile in GOP establishment land, the Three Stooges are working hard to remain relevant despite no real national buzz about their campaigns nor any real message which resonates with America other than “we don’t suck that bad.”





Before I engage in the usual debauchery necessary to survive these insipid debates, a moment of reflection. This afternoon Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia passed away in Texas at age 79. While many liberals dance on this man’s grave and celebrate tonight, I propose we who support his originalist point of view which maintained the concept of the Constitution that the framers and founders developed and put into print as the supreme law of the United States, I propose all of us raise a glass of our favorite single malt scotch in honor of this man. He preferred single malt and fine cigars as do I and I shall honor this man in prayer and with a simple glass of Bowmore 18 year old single malt.

I salute Justice Scalia as one of the patriots un-corrupted by the temptations of power, right to the sad end.


So with Cruz and Trump set to fight like it’s a steel cage match and there are no rules beyond one man enters, one man leaves, here are tonight’s drinking game rules. Remember, the author of this website is not responsible for any readers alcoholic rehab or liver damage.

The drinking game rules by candidate tonight:


  • Calls Cruz or insinuates he’s Canadian – 2 drinks
  • Calls Cruz a liar – 1 drink
  • Picks on Jeb! – 1 drink
  • Picks on Rubio – 2 drinks
  • Calls Kasich out for being irrelevant – 2 drinks
  • Snaps at any moderator – 1 drink
  • Curses – 1/2 bottle
  • Calls Judge Judy a great Judge when asked about court appointments – 4 drinks


  • Calls Trump a liberal – 1 drink
  • Sighs – 1 drink
  • Mocks Marco Rubio – 1 drink
  • Does the Robot dance mocking Rubio – 3 drinks
  • Calls Trump out about his language – 2 damned drinks
  • Talks about Hillary’s email server – 1 drink
  • Smirks into the camera – 1 drink
  • Reminds everyone he argued before Scalia – 1 more slug of scotch in Scalia’s honor
  • Specifically recites the Constitution in an argument – 2 drinks + 1 celebratory shot of your choosing
  • Points out that Trump is not qualified to name a single conservative who would be good for the Supreme Court – 2 drinks


  • Attacks Trump – 1 drink
  • Attacks Cruz – 2 drinks
  • Attacks Jeb! – 2 drinks
  • Attacks Kasich – 1 drink
  • Has way too much forehead sweat again – 1 drink
  • Repeats himself like a broken robot – 2 drinks
  • Yells his answer – 1 drink (we’ll be wasted if it were any more than that)
  • Reminds us he parents were from Cuba again – 1 drink
  • Denies he favors amnesty – 4 drinks


  • Chops invisible fruits and vegetables in mid-air – 1 drink
  • Attacks anyone coherently – 2 drinks
  • Reminds everyone his dad was a mailman – 2 drinks
  • Says he was governor of Ohio – 1 drink
  • Says he can work with Democrats – 3 drinks
  • Says anything about foreign policy that makes you wince – 2 drinks


  • Attacks Kasich – 3 drinks
  • Attacks Rubio – 1 drink
  • Attacks Trump – 2 drinks
  • Looks like he will cry when Trump attacks back – 2 drinks
  • Hey, he was governor of Florida – 1 drink
  • Denies favoring amnesty – 1 drink
  • Says that he has lots of foreign policy experience but can’t name a world leader he’s met – 4 drinks


  • Carson’s name gets announced by CBS during the intros – 1 drink
  • Carson attacks anyone coherently – 1 drink
  • Reminds everyone he was and is a neurosurgeon – 1 drink
  • Grunts into the microphone – 1 drink
  • Says he was cheated in Iowa – 4 drinks
  • Sucks up to Trump – 2 drinks
  • Whines he doesn’t get enough time – 3 drinks

With all of the depressing news and World War III about to start, may I suggest you just grab your favorite alcoholic beverage and consume it during the debate on CBS tonight.

Godspeed, Anontin Scalia



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