by John Galt
September 26, 2016 17:00 ET
Yup, the theme tonight is “don’t say facts, say bull!”
Here is the Fox News live video link for the program tonight:
Welcome to Bullfest 2016, America’s every 4 year fertilizer spreading festival known as the Presidential Debates.
In the Blue corner, we have the nastiest woman alive, willing to kill soldiers, lawyers, and interns to stay in power regardless of how much bonking her husband engages in and regardless if they are of legal age or not. Her qualifications are that she performed illegal acts during the Watergate Hearings, flunked the Washignton, DC bar exam, married a sex addict who became President, figured out the cattle futures in 1/2 the time it took 20 year vets in the pit, demonstrated that Fort Marcy Park in D.C. is not just for walking, bought a U.S. Senate seat in the least intelligent state of the union, and as Secretary of State recommissioned Fort Marcy Park 2.0 at the American compound in Benghazi by getting rid of any witnesses that could have testified about her illegal acts.
In the Red corner, hooooo doggies, we have a winner here. Not in the traditional sense of winning but by golly he has all the trappings of a man who won his nation’s elections by huge margins in 1924. The candidate has a series of hotels and casinos that bear his name, both still in business and bankrupt. This man used the NJ mafia(allegedly) to help get his building done and when they were determined to not be ruthless enough, he enlisted the Russian mafia (allegedly) to make sure his buildings got built on time and with lots of borrowed money from the banksters. His original ideas including a religious themed casino where one could worship the beautiful naked women of New Jersey then gamble the night away in America’s first strip club casino. Recently his interests in politicians has deviated from his historic loyalty to the Democratic Party and donations to his debate dance partner tonight into seeing the light.
His religious conversion was assisted by Jerry Falwell Jr., Franklin Graham, Jr., and 2 Corinthians he met at the casino strip club. Now considered by many to be the only viable conservative alternative to the Clinton Crime Family, Donald Trump has turned the world on his ear by promising to enforce America First idealism until he his no longer interested in doing so as President of these United States.
For purposes of this debate any key phrase mentioned by anyone on the debate stage qualifies for a shot. Since one candidate believes in major gun control but endorses drug use, the phrase “shot” refers to a shot glass of either malt liquor or liquor and not the use of firearms on one’s television set.
The rules for this debate are simple:
DISCLAIMER: THE OWNERSHIP OF THIS WEBSITE IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY HEALTH RELATED ISSUES OR OVERDAFTS ON ONE’S OBAMACARE ACCOUNT DUE TO BRAIN AND/OR LIVER DAMAGE RESULTING FROM PARTICIPATION IN THIS DRINKING GAME.
- “email” – 1 shot each mention
- “liar” – 1 shot each mention
- “classified” – 1 shot each mention
- “NAFTA” – 2 shots
- Mexico – 1 shot
- Wall – 1 shot
- “Putin” or “Russia” – 1 shot
- Hillary gets mad – 2 shots
- Trump gets mad – 2 shots
- Lester Holt cries – 3 shots
- Hillary says Trump has the wrong Temperament – 2 shots
- Hillary mentions “minimum living wage” – 2 shots
- Trump mentions Bill Clintons sex problems – 2 shots
- Hillary passes out/collapses on stage – 8 shots
- Trump glows more orange – 1 shot for the night
- Hillary blames Trump for Obama’s policies – 2 shots
- Trump blames Hillary for Obama’s policies – 2 shots
- Hillary says Trump is just a rich person trying to buy the office – 2 shots
- Any mention of Goldman Sachs – 2 shots plus bonus shooter of one’s choice
- “Federal Reserve” or “Janet Yellen” – 2 shots
- “Corrupt Hillary” – 1 shot
- “Lyin Hillary” – 1 shot
- “Cheatin’ Hillary” – 1 shot
- Trump ties Hillary to the establishment – 1 shot
- Hillary is discovered to have an earpiece or teleprompter or other method of cheating – 4 shots
- Hillary trembles – 1 shot
- “Black Lives Matter” – 1 shot plus 1 shot of water
- Hillary screeches like an insane old lady – 4 shots
- Any commercial break that is not supposed to be there – 5 shots plus pee break
- Lastly, any time you see anyone roll their eyes – 2 shots
And being a man of my theme, yes, I went to the local “hood” EBT store and found a 4 pack of Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull for which I shall consume as a warm up to tonight’s debate before switching to a nice malt scotch, Haig Club which should compliment the hangover of watching this nightmare. I shall be live Tweeting this event for some stupid reason and my Tweets will appear in the box on the right in the “JohnGaltFLA” Twitter Feed.
Good luck and God Bless your Liver!