by John Galt
October 4, 2016 19:00 ET
Welcome to the first ever Vice-Presidential debate ever to be held at an app from a video game. That’s right, Farmville:
Only in Amurica.
So tonight, keeping with the lack of interest or desire to watch or participate in this exciting debate between Governor “Let’s watch Paint Dry is more Interesting” Pence versus Governor “Hillary needed a Poodle and I’m Housebroken” Kaine, I shall keep the rules simple so the survivors can watch pre-season NHL hockey, repeats of “American Ninja Warrior 2016”, or better yet, postseason baseball between Toronto (who cares) and Riottown, USA (Crackmore, aka, Baltimore, MD).
The rules are thus:
Before the debate start choose the drink which most appropriately reflects your opinion of the two Presidential candidates and their Vice-Presidential running mates. All alcohol must be consumed 5 minutes before the debate begins, preferably in one or two chugs.
1. Golden Grain alcohol, room temperature, 8 oz. to 12 oz. Red Solo Cup, no ice, period.
At least that gives me an excuse to post that great American song.
2. Colt 45, not the gun, 4 40 oz. bottles, chilled is acceptable.
(Note: The author of this article nor this website are legally responsible for anyone who watches these debates or participates in this game)
Oh, and if you pass out and snore pissing off your better half, triple the original drink you chose because passing out or alcohol poisoning has to be better than listening to these two assclowns.
In reality, I may or may not Tweet my insightful insight ONLY if I survive the Golden Grain challenge. I would rather drink something less potent but I think I’ll need to practice starting a campfire if Hurricane Matthew takes out the power grid so I wanted to practice fire projection techniques just in case.
Have a fun debate and if you’re awake at the end, or beginning, congrats!