by John Galt
February 28, 2017 19:25 ET
Ah so much winning.
And so much more of a need for cheap Russian vodka. Can you help me there Mr. President?
Just kidding gang so don’t get your feathers ruffled. For those new readers to my website of horrors, the Presidential speech drinking games, much like the debates drinking games, have become somewhat of a tradition around this place. It’s not so much that we do or do not believe anything these clowns say, because we don’t, but it does give us a chance to take ye old liver out for a test drive and see how many brain cells we have to kill before we DO believe what we are watching on television.
Or begin to have blurred vision and see weird things in our homes like this:
Thus to set one’s mind right, let us review the rules for tonight’s State of the Cheetos official first President Donald Trump speech to a joint session of Congress.
My readers are invited to drink whatever they like for purposes of tonight’s game. I have selected Tovaritch Russian vodka for the occasion only because I’m too drunk already to drive to the store:
It goes down smooth and makes one feel like a randy Cossack before the night is over.
A “drink” is defined as a shot or more depending on the size of one’s glass or desire to get wasted and pass out before the speech is over. Since word on the street is this will be a short speech, drink penalties are increased for this first major event and will be tempered accordingly for future speeches depending on the number of survivors from tonight’s game. To amateurs please, don’t blame me or this blog for your incompetence should you select wine or watch on CNN or MSDNC which increases the nausea factor by at least twenty times the normal level.
For each time…
- Trump says “bigly” aka, “big league” – 2 drinks
- Any network pans to a “DACA Dreamer” – 3 drinks
- Any time a network shows a Democrat not applauding or frowning – 1 drink
- Any time a network shows a Republican not applauding or frowning (Lindsey Graham and John McCain do not count) – 2 drinks
- Trump says “YUGE” – 2 drinks
- Trump says he loves immigrants – 3 drinks
- Vice-President Pence or Paul Ryan picks their nose on camera – 3 drinks
- Ruth Bader Ginsburg looks ugly on camera – (also called an automatic) – 1 drink
- Trump winks at a member of Congress – 2 drinks
- Trump threatens North Korea – 1 drink
- Trump threatens Russia – 2 drinks
- Trump threatens Iran – 3 drinks
- Trump says Mexico will pay for the wall – 3 drinks
- Paul Ryan does a facepalm – 4 drinks
- Nancy Pelosi is on the TV – 4 drinks (ugly penalty)
- Trump actually mentions NATO in a positive light – 1 drink
- Trump repeats his words – 2 drinks
- Trump says “Mad Dog” Mattis – 3 drinks
- Trump acts like a RINO – 5 drinks
- Trump says “Make America Great Again” – 3 drinks
- Trump reminds everyone about his stunning campaign victory – 2 drinks
- Trump says any of the words like MAGAbonds or “Make America Great Again Bonds” – 5 drinks and switch to the good stuff.
And trust me, we’ll all be hurting by 10:30 p.m. Eastern Time tonight.