Shenandoah

by John Galt

November 24, 2009

ONCE upon a time in the future…..

Little Sally decided to ask her mom if she could set up a lemonade stand. Sally was excited because next Friday, November 16, 2012 she turns all of seven years old and that meant in her mind she could start earning money and an allowance by doing chores, just as her parents promised. Her mom, seeing the glean and excitement in her eyes of course gave her the blessing and asked Sally what she would need to start the stand so her daddy could pick it up for her. The weather in Southern Florida was unseasonably warm due to global climate change and in her mind, she could not wait to make a huge fortune selling ice cold lemonade to passers by.

Sally’s dad always indulged his little girl and as he went to Home Depot  the list of things he needed was impressive for such a small project was impressive:

1 Quart Sherwin Williams Red Paint

1 Small sheet of Plywood for a sign

and from the local WalMart

20 Sunkist Lemons

2 large containers of Lemon Flavored Kool-Aid

10 Lbs. of Imperial Crystal Sugar

100 Solo Cups

“WOW” her dad thought to himself, “my little girl is going to be a big time business player.”

As he brought everything into the house the excitement was obvious on little Sally’s face. Her dad cut the plywood in half with his Black and Decker saw and when he was finished she quickly made a sign up that said “Sally’s Sugary Lemon-aid, 15 cents a cup” and set it aside in the garage so it could dry overnight. Little Sally, exhausted from her busy day, went to bed early knowing that with a the next day being a Saturday, she would not have to worry about school and traffic on her little street was extremely busy on weekends.

Sally could barely sleep as her dad filled her mind up with visions of becoming the next Warren Buffett as she set woke up at 6 a.m. and started to make the lemonade. “It’s my secret formula Daddy!” and with that the sugary sweet mix was begun, waiting for mom to get out of bed and chop up the lemons for her to toss in there. As the sweet mixture aged for hours in the refrigerator her dad helped her drive one sign into the ground nailed on a stake set up behind her chair and another nailed to the old oak tree at the edge of their yard by the sidewalk.  Sally could not wait to start selling so she got a little cigar box from her dad, grabbed the spare change off her parent’s dresser, then brought the cups and pitchers out to the curb to start serving all of those thirsty customers.

Just as she sat down, Sally’s best friend Mary rolled up on her bike and shrieked “awww, I wish I had thought of that! Can I help you? Can I? Can I?” Sally smiled from ear to ear and said “Sure, what can you do to help?” Mary got all excited and said “I’ll ride up and down the street seeking out customers to steer your way!” Being her best friend Sally grinned and replied “That’s swell! I’ll give you a nickel for each customer that said you sent them to me!”

As Sally put on her Barbie sunglasses from Mattel  the neighborhood kids started to show up just after 10 a.m. and buying her elixir of good fortune. Her mom, being the industrious accountant in the family kept track of the sales and which customers mentioned that Mary referred them to insure she got her payment for her help. The children were all smiles as in the first hour and a half they sold 53 cups of Sally’s Lemon-aid at 15 cents each and they could not believe how busy they were! “Mom, look we have seven dollars and ninety-five cents! We’re getting rich!” Sally shrieked as Mary rode off smiling from the good news to get more customers. When Mary returned back with her next customer though, everything started to turn into Frownville.

Mary was so excited. She started to yell at Sally “Look who I got! Look who I got!” and Sally said back “Good work Mary, I’ll give the policeman a discount!” Officer Michaels was a tough, by the book officer but he stopped smiling when he got in front of the table. “Hello Sally, I’m Officer Michaels from Miami-Dade Code Compliance, can I see your business and tax permit book?” Sally was puzzled and looked back at her mom who then replied “Why would we need that sir, it’s a little girl’s lemonade stand?” The officer shook his head and opened up his ticket book and started walking around the stand and the yard mumbling and writing….

NO BUSINESS PERMIT ON DISPLAY $25

NO TAX CERTIFICATE ON DISPLAY $25

NO FOOD SERVICES PERMIT ON DISPLAY $25

NO SHELTER OR RESTROOM FACILITIES FOR CUSTOMERS $50

Riiiiipppp! He tore the ticket out and handed it to Sally and said gruffly “You and your mom have 30 days to appeal or appear before the magistrate” and then he walked away. Sally’s eyes welled up as her mom started to say something using words that Sally had only heard Grandpa use when the Dolphins were on a losing streak. Her mom ran into the house and started yelling “MIKE I NEED TO SEE YOU NOW!”

Sally looked at her friend Mary and said “WOW! We now have to make over $100 just to break even! You had best get busy!”  Mary was not gone five minutes when another officer returned, this time a Miami-Dade Sheriff’s officer and he had his ticket book out also. “MOM!” Sally screamed all upset. Her mom came rushing out and yelled at the deputy “Now what the hell do you want?” The Deputy being professional said while pointing to Mary “Is this your kid?” As Sally’s mom nodded no, the officer started writing and mumbling…..

UNAUTHORIZED SOLICITATION FOR COMMERCIAL PURPOSES $125

VIOLATION OF CHILD LABOR MINIMUM AGE REQUIREMENTS $500

UNLICENSED OPERATION OF A VEHICLE FOR COMMERCIAL PURPOSES $500

Riiiiiiiiipppp….and with that the officer handed the ticket to Sally’s mom as the Deputy said “make sure her mom gets this and if you’ll notice there is a number to call to set up the court date should she elect to show up in person and challenge the fines.

As Sally started to cry because her mom was screaming something about the officer’s mother, another man walked up in a plain suit. He flashed a badge with lightening fast efficiency and had a ticket book of his own whipped out. As Sally’s mom ran back to her upset daughter she was red faced and yelled “Who the hell are you?” The well dressed man flashed his badge and said “State Department of Health and Food Safety Inspection maa’m” and started writing and mumbling…..

FAILURE TO WEAR HAIR NET $10

FAILURE TO WEAR PROTECTIVE GLOVES $10

FAILURE TO PROVIDE PROPER SANITATION FOR DISPOSAL OF CUPS $25

FAILURE TO HAVE PROPER RECYCLING PLAN ON DISPLAY $25

FAILURE TO DISPLAY NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION $25

FAILURE TO USE RODENT AND PEST REPELLENT $100

FAILURE TO MAINTAIN PROPER TEMPERATURE FOR FOODSTUFFS $100

FAILURE TO DISPLAY FOOD INSPECTION PERMIT $100

FAILURE TO PROVIDE CUSTOMER RESTROOM FACILITIES FOR MALES $100

FAILURE TO PROVIDE CUSTOMER RESTROOM FACILITIES FOR FEMALES $100

FAILURE TO PROVIDE FOOD SAFETY & TESTING  INFORMATION FOR THE PUBLIC $100

FAILURE TO POST SANITATION CERTIFICATE IN PROMINENT PUBLIC LOCATION $15

FAILURE TO USE NON-TOXIC FOOD GRADE PAINT AND WOOD IN MATERIAL CONSTRUCTION $250

RiiiiiiiiiiiiiiPPPPPPPPPPPP! The tears of the tickets just kept getting louder.

The tears and cries kept getting louder.

The profanities from her father kept getting louder. As he chased his bawling daughter into the house, her tears were sad in a pathetic sort of way as during the fit she cried out “I just wanted to earn enough money for a Barbie” and with that he hugged his daughter while his wife contacted the family attorney for advice. Suddenly and without warning a huge racket was heard from the front of their yard at the street. There were suddenly two groups of protesters and that really was the last straw. Sally’s dad grabbed a baseball bat and ran out the door only to drop it when the Miami-Dade Deputy threatened to taser him. “Sir, they have a permit for this boycott of your daughter’s business.”

One group was marching at the end of the driveway. It was a group of transgenders, gays, lesbians and various racial minorities holding signs protesting Sally’s unfair hiring practices and treatment of minorities. Beside them circling the mailbox and trampling on the lawn and flowers Sally’s mom worked so hard to plant were ten SEIU members banging on aluminum garbage can lids and screaming that her dad was using illegal child labor and should have hired union members. It was too much for Sally’s dad and he grabbed the bat, got tasered and promptly went night night for the rest of the story.

Sally walked out to the curb holding her mom’s hand tightly to try to confront all of these people and end this nonsense once and for all. The SEIU local head walked up to the two of them and said to her mom “Are you the enslaver?” Sally wiped away the tears, looked up at him and said “Leave my Mom alone! I started this business without anyone’s help! I wanted to earn some extra money this summer. LEAVE US ALONE, PLEASE, LEAVE US ALONE!” The union head said “No problem kid, give me $20 and we’re gone.” Sally ran inside, opened the little cigar box where she kept her sales and handed it over to the thug. The SEIU protesters left and so did the other freaks, who had trampled their yard and left her dad in a slow daze after the officer who tased him walked away  saying “My bad, I thought you were a threat to my union friends.”

<<<<<<<<<<<<<< SIRENS BLARING>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

“Now what?” Sally’s mom asked. The sirens stopped at their front yard when a man in a suit walked up to the little girl and identified his presence with the I.R.S. Enforcement Division badge and handed a pile of papers to her mom. “What is this for?” her mom asked puzzled. “Lady, your daughter set up a corporation without filing the proper documents for incorporation or income tax collection purposes. In fact, we show no record of any earnings since she was born so we’re going to audit your taxes also to insure you have not been hiding her income all of her life.” Exasperated, her dad got up again and grabbed the baseball bat only to get tasered this time by the I.R.S. officer who muttered “I’ve always wanted to do that” as he walked back to his car.

The moral of this story? Governments big and small, local and regional, national and statewide are doing everything they can to impede the ability of anyone and everyone to start a business and make a profit. Without entrepreneurs and private enterprise leading the way, a “recovery” in our economy is impossible as governments do not create demand, they only tax it, defer it or suppress it.  Fortunately, this story does have a happy ending.

Sally’s TARP application to pay all the fines and still insure that her little company can pay a $2 million Christmas bonus to her parents was approved because her qualifications for running a business surpassed  that of many others already receiving government largesse and because Timothy Geithner thought it was neat to have an entreprenuer the same height as he is.